we are not robots

im going to the forest.

2009-01-28T16:13:00.003-07:00

moved over to this blog :

http://infnityadventures.blogspot.com

because:
a) it felt right
b) it seemed appropriate
c) its different.
d) i needed change.

if you want, follow me there.

when la is magical it really is

2009-01-09T14:32:00.000-07:00

i love it.

to do

2008-12-30T19:04:00.002-07:00

paint the trim
paint the walls
get internet
wait for camera battery charger to come in the mail
make life choices
get blackout drapes because it is not necessary to watch the sun rise every day
20,000
return movies to movie place
copy the copy of the og
say no
work more
help others

soon my blog will exist with new life because i will have a camera again
and when you live in los angeles it is a shame to not take photos of at least 80% of the magical things you see on a day to day basis because not sharing that with other people seems selfish to me.

oh.

2008-12-24T17:00:00.008-07:00

ive been busy settling into a different life in los angeles, i suppose.
its christmas eve day.
here are some photos that i think are crucial at this very moment in time.

im in arizona

2008-12-01T13:37:00.001-07:00

right now. packing up my life and getting rid of everything i can think to get rid of. this place is a black hole that is dying to keep everything here and im doing everything i can to pack up and leave as quickly as possible.
the key to leaving?
set a date.

no longer

2008-11-25T20:31:00.001-07:00

am i homeless.
i got the house, be it thanks to positive thinking or negative thinking or magic or friends or spells or nothing at all.
going back to arizona to settle my business and get my things then i will be back to los angeles for good to see what i can do with myself.
thank you.

(i wish)

still living.

2008-11-25T19:38:00.001-07:00

todd weaver takes all the photos.

things you might think/hear on drugs.

2008-11-22T20:14:00.004-07:00

i should videotape how epic-ly beautiful my friends are, home movie style.
cape/self forts are incredible.
tomorrow should never come.
i need noise cancelling headphones.
its been a long long time since ive been in love with anyone.
"andrew: whats your background?
richard: im a scientist??"
im not real.
how did all these people get in my cave?
we are all immortal forever, all of you and i and just our friends.
i wonder if this head dress is haunted.
i hope a black widow doesnt bite me right now because being dead isnt really what im into tonight.

musings

2008-11-20T19:37:00.000-07:00

i like jaques henri lartigue.
do you?

what a thing to have a muse. i have a muse. they just dont know about it.

my magical life pt.2

2008-11-19T14:20:00.007-07:00

all of these photos are by andrew tonkery. www.andrewtonkery.com
the last photo clearly isnt from my party but i love it so, and i love its subject, little miss dolly puffins, ever so much.

my magical life. pt.1

2008-11-18T20:47:00.008-07:00

these photos are by todd weaver. www.toddweaver.com

this is my birthday party. it was magical. like, truly so.
there was a magician, who was FUCKING MIND BLOWING.
and he did balloon animals. i named him majestico.
my sweet friend jasmine made me a cake shaped like a penis.
we had streamers, pin the tail on the donkey, jenga, a rollicking fire,
a playlist of all my favorite songs,
most of my lovely friends, and at least one third of the guests were wearing capes.
i got to wear a mustache and i had my own personal bartender and we screened willy wonka and then the man who fell to earth on the trees.
it was one of the best birthdays ive ever had, and the next night we had a truly wonderful dinner at speranza, which i entirely recommend.

the photos with th red overtone are actually from the spirit animal party we went to where i was a black panther, of which ill be posting later.

dont think im not watching.

2008-11-07T20:33:00.002-07:00

i honestly hope that i never reach a point or an age where i dont believe in getting to know what the people around me are actually like(as much as one could ever really know). ive seen how you behave and how you think and i dont think that its the right way to act, so ill use you as an example of many things that maybe i dont want to do if i dont want to be sad and lonely for a long time. thank you!

the long run

2008-11-04T13:56:00.000-07:00

sometimes,
i make lists of things that maybe i want to remember
or take photos
or draw diagrams
or tear out of something and save it so as not to lose an idea or a place or a person that was important to me.

i wonder if these things are always of the same importance now as they once were. which makes me wonder, what is really worth remembering?

whatcha hiding from?

2008-10-19T15:50:00.003-07:00

um.
lately i have this problem where i keep accidentally buying too many vintage masks on ebay.
i think i have about 12 at this point....
oops?

"why go out for a hamburger when you have steak at home?"

2008-10-17T13:17:00.002-07:00

last night i saw the hustler.
paul newman is unbelievable.
the foxiest man that ever lived.
that smile.

its really nothing special

2008-10-15T15:37:00.006-07:00

i just think im doing what i can to stay sane and keep my brains inside my skull.
do what you will with what you've got.

i feel like the internet is a public arena and i shouldnt have to make my things private, but after so much negative attention and anonymous weirdos lately, im considering closing up shop. im torn but ill keep considering.

the world is going to blow itself up without us trying blow each other up from the inside out.

"um contrived."

2008-10-14T00:01:00.003-07:00

i dreamt i was on a bus.
your average bus.
in what i knew to be los angeles.
more specifically highland park
but the los angeles of my dreams had cobblestone streets, was dark and moody, with only the yellow light from gas street lamps, the moon, and headlights to show anyone any particular way.
and i was on this bus, i believe with a companion,
and i remember thinking to myself,
this is exactly the right way that we need to take to get to where i am going
and then suddenly,
i was on the street, exactly where i had been on the bus,
only now there was no bus, and i was standing in the street,
looking around, slightly bewildered.
the street was empty save for parked cars and a woman that looked like she was on her evening jog.
she looked at me, confused, "...wasnt....there a bus there just...a second ago?..."
and i too, was standing, wondering if i had been on a a bus, or if i had just dreamt it, or imagined it.
but five seconds later,
a bus quietly appeared onto the street behind me, and a white van was behind it, where all these technological procedures appeared to be taking place on all the people that had at one point been with me on the bus.
the bus driver, he got off the bus,
and he came up to me, and i asked him what had happened,
and he proceeded to explain to me in some muddled way about how sometimes these things about with energies crossing and portals being created and sometimes a someone passes through the portal, or something along those lines,
and i cant really remember now what exactly he had to say to me.

but i remember the feeling of overwhelming happiness and joy and everything wonderful that i had because now i knew that portals were real, and i wasnt crazy.
and then he proceeded to tell me about how the people on the bus were in the van getting their memories erased, as this was not something everyone could know.
and then, a thought passed through my dream mind.
did this mean that after what i had discovered, i would return to being a droid with no knowledge of portals that are real?
and so i asked, worriedly.
but the man said i could keep my memory, and keep this portal knowledge.
and again, i was filled with glee.
and then i moved on to a different dream, about 8 legged many eyed creatures with harems of hot russian women dressed in sequins with hooves for feet.

but when i woke up i was so happy, and so smiley, still.

now you see boys, what we have here, is a failure to communicate.

2008-10-13T12:24:00.002-07:00

yesterday was lovely.
i woke up hungover and tired, but then i went home and did what i had to do,
went to barnes and nobles and looked at all my favorite children's books,
and bought them all as a gift for 4 year old twin girls.
then i went to their house and there was a petting zoo!
and a princess bounce castle.
but the petting zoo was way more interesting, as there was a llama,
a tiny tiny pig, and a bunch of other farm-y animals.
i was really concerned that the children would accidentally squish the baby chickens.
but mostly because when i was younger in jerusalem,
i accidentally squished quite a few chicks.

my grandma used to buy me shoeboxes full of pink, purple, blue, and green dyed chicks

for just a few dollars at the market in jerusalem.
i remember holding the peeping, quivering box on my lap in the taxi home,
occasionally peeking in with sheer glee at all the animals in my arms.
and then within the next few days, they would all die their accidental deaths.
an errant foot, or an overzealous hug were generally the most common forms of execution.
and then my uncle, who is only 5 years my senior, would frequently kill them as a means of torturing me.
once he broke a neck in front of me, once he lit one on fire.
i still think he has the capacity for manslaughter.
some people just dont ever really change.
but i seriously digress.

i went to the birthday party and then to papago park to meet joseph so we could take photos in the dusk desert light, but we were too late,
so we just went for a walk and talked and talked and felt the first evening of cold weather to grace our hellish home.

so instead of photos we decided to go have pizza for joseph, and cake batter ice cream with gummi bears and sprinkles for me,
and then we went to see cool hand luke at the paul newman retrospective that was being hosted by the valley art theater.
paul newman was such an epic fox.
the movie was so marvelous, and i went home.
and all in all, id say, that i had a marvelous sunday, and i definitely felt happy.
this is a fairly pointless post.
but i felt that because i felt so nice, i should write it down.

this will be an ugly one

2008-10-13T00:09:00.000-07:00

As I am updating from my blackberry and I don't think I can add photos from here. But last night I had the most incredible dream. And it was the most real dream I've ever had. And I just really hope it happens again, because it ruled. I'm going to wait and see if I dream it again before I explain it. But don't worry, its coming.

these could be yours

2008-10-08T14:09:00.001-07:00

those are my teeth.
i like x-rays, but they scare me.
because when i look at an anatomy book its still separate from me.
i know that what im looking at is inside of me also,
but its not mine so its almost not real.
x rays are me.
they are mine.
they are what i look like all the way in.
so strange.
does anyone really want to know what they look like all the way in?

the hold up

2008-10-07T14:01:00.002-07:00

as soon as i finish three more things i'm going to la. for real. no later than the end of this month. i was laying in bed and i noticed my leg and i thought about how one day it wouldn't mean anything to anyone. it would be just a leg. Like anyone else's leg. Dead and with no purpose. but id rather have a dead leg there than a dead leg here.

one day vs. right now

2008-10-03T13:21:00.003-07:00

i just realized that i spend a lot of time wondering what my lovers and potential lovers will look like as old men, and then whatever i hypothesize influences the course of our relationship. is that weird?

twiseeeeettteerreeerererer

2008-09-29T14:49:00.002-07:00

life lately has looked liked that.
swirly and whirly and topsy turvy.
im busy as hell and preparing to move.
moving is a decision and involved in that decision are a million smaller decisions to be made.
last time i moved from state to state there were no real decisions to be made. but it seems this time, there are a million. like; where to live? where to work? when to go? which things to take, which things to leave?
i spend so much time worrying about all the decisions that i really just dont have time for silly blog posts right now. soon i shall post with the same consistency that i once did.

searching

2008-09-16T11:56:00.002-07:00

for a lot of things.
a lot of things to make into a home.

mistakes are frequently to be made.

2008-09-15T02:14:00.001-07:00

there are a lot of decisions to be made in this life, and i think that of those decisions its to be expected that at least 30 PERCENT of them would be poor if not absolutely awful. where is the leeway?

chronicles of never

2008-09-12T14:01:00.004-07:00

gareth moody,
youre good.
ksubi had a good thing going...
probably not so much anymore.

shoes, jewels, knits, tees, art, totes, thingies.
jeans once a non-compete with ksubi reaches its expiration date.
oh my oh my oh my,
you make me want to be peter pan.

i am terrified of becoming nothing

2008-09-12T12:35:00.002-07:00

because nothing is nothing and i cant wrap my brain around that.
how much has existed without anyone or anything knowing, because now it is nothing, swallowed by a black hole in some far away galaxy?
we are so arrogant to think that we are the only intelligent life form to ever exist, when in reality, we are probably just one of many, waiting for our turn in the abyss.

IM NOT THE ONLY ONE.

2008-09-11T16:27:00.003-07:00

im next.

the blackest of sheep

2008-09-10T16:58:00.006-07:00

as i mentioned a few posts ago, Derrick R. Cruz is my most favorite of jewelry designers. His line, Black Sheep and Prodigal Sons has been a front runner on my "most coveted" list for a few years now. I love his necklaces with a fervor that i reserve only for vintage pieces. Rarely do I love anything new as much as i love his work. Perhaps that is because he uses a mixture of antique pre-ban ivory, hand carved porcelain and hand worked silver. who knows. check it out. the line is for both men and women, so there is no reason for any of you to not get into it.

in addition to his most beautiful jewelry endeavors, Derrick has recently participated in a show that focuses on saving the waning honey bee population. Not only is the exhibit beautiful, but it is also for a wonderful cause. please read more about it at the link below.
go here to see more about BSPS:
black sheep and prodigal sons

and go here to see more about Derrick R. Cruz's efforts in bee conservation:
A NEW HIVE

ashes to ashes

2008-09-10T15:29:00.009-07:00

I picked up this book because i thought it was pretty,
on a second look, i found that it was the funeral book for a young girl by the name of Catherine McCoughlin who had died in the 1950s.
The book has a envelope full of cards from floral arrangments, a photo of the girl as a baby with her mother, and lists and lists of visitors and callers and casserole bringers. the letter, from a classmate, is a incredible example of the frank speech of a child, free from euphemisms. click the letter (and everything else) to enlarge

in your face.

2008-09-09T12:42:00.020-07:00

todd selby rules.
PROOF:

all images via:
mr. todd selby dot com

mr. selby goes into the space of all my favorite artists, designers, musicians, legends, and whatnot and photographs them in the most intimate of settings; their personal space. i can spend hours pouring over these photos, and I highly recommend you do the same.

lately: he has photographed my favorite jeweler/designer, Derrick Cruz,
my favorite blogger/designer Cheri Messerli of scout holiday

hows your space lookin these days?

for once

2008-09-07T13:38:00.010-07:00

i found artifacts from my own family, as opposed to everyone else's.
here you go:
(click to big)

dreams

2008-09-07T13:09:00.003-07:00

all in one session:
armies
food
palestine
pallete
waffles
food
madness
confusion
travel
my dreams lay themselves out like epic,constantly evolving, purposeless journeys. one massive trek of confusion that is always trying to catch up with itself but always just a bit behind.

i like glenn brown

2008-09-05T16:04:00.007-07:00

click to biggify.

a style post, oh my.

2008-08-29T13:23:00.009-07:00

endovanera.
maybe you know it, maybe you dont.

even the name seems to fit in with my current mental state of doom.
everything about this line is totally appealing to me, from the styling to the cuts and colors to the models and the boots and the everything. love it.
currently only a men's line, they are launching the women's line in SS09.
and while I couldn't be more thrilled, i don't mind too much,
as the designers create beautiful clothes that are very wearable for either gender.
i own a handful of men's endovanera shirts and am currently wearing a pair of their men's pants and they look awesome.

if you have any interest in buying these magical pieces (as you should) we have several things available here at covet in scottsdale. drop me a line if you want more info. or, if you live in la, definitely go visit their storefront to see sample pieces or get fitted for a pair of custom, made to order jeans. you certainly wont regret it.

for in that sleep of death, what dreams may come

2008-08-28T21:41:00.002-07:00

last night i dreamt my car battery was dead but when i started my car the gas power alone led it to start and then miraculously it went uphill, as opposed to downhill, which might make sense and in my dream i knew that it was wrong.

and then this morning, when i got in my car to go to work, the battery was dead.

heaven

2008-08-27T10:24:00.002-07:00

yesterday i met this woman
and i went to this place
and i found these things
and it gave me a reason to blog.
which if youre bored, you ought be thankful for.

i dont believe in god or religion or stars or anything fantastical, save for ghosts and doom and the likelihood of impending world destruction.
i barely believe in soul-mates, and i think that science has a relatively logical explanation for everything.

however,
sometimes i feel like somewhere inside me,
a device was placed.
maybe behind my life meter,
maybe nestled in between a few ribs,
maybe buried beneath some organs.
wherever it is, i feel like i have a divination rod of sorts,
one that does not lead me to water, but to treasure.
tangible treasure.

and i feel lucky,
but also like i am holding this magnificent onus.
like Bastian on his journey, a small person with a big task.
a little boy that must save a kingdom from the Nothing.
what or who am i saving from what?

I feel like i owe it to most everyone that has allowed me these treasures to make good on an unknown promise.

sorry for the cryptic words.
I suppose ill elaborate more once i have an optimal plan.
questions accepted.

*nathan, i hope youre there.

the deer hunters

2008-08-26T12:29:00.003-07:00

lots of things, lots of time taken up lately.
and as much as i stand back and ask myself what im so busy with i cant help and feel like i dont know.
and im sure im not the only one.
i really feel like i do a lot of things, i am not lazy, i never take naps, i always just go go go.
stay up late, get up early-ish, go non stop.
and for all this working, what do i really have to show?
nothing, it seems.
i think i need to do some re-evaluation and get a move on.

things as of late

2008-08-20T12:00:00.006-07:00

these are my recent pictorial treasures, scanned and ready for your viewing.

currently listening to serge gainsbourg. you should listen too.

im sorry

2008-08-11T19:08:00.002-07:00

for the lack of posts,
for the lack of anything interesting for you to look at.

ive been so busy
and life has been really nice.
ill post something magnificent once im done being swept off my feet.

norman mailer

2008-08-08T11:48:00.001-07:00

i have this
terrible
image
of you
as the
innocent
agent of every
provocateur
said the prose
of love
determined
to state
a fact
before
the Fall

What a
Summer
we could
have had
if not
for all that prose.

au revoir cheri!

2008-07-31T11:49:00.003-07:00

i am at the place where people say good byes and hellos about to go make some new friends to say hello and goodbye to, and also to see friends ive said hellos and goodbyes to countless times before. i will be in chi town and i will maybe update while im gone. or maybe i wont. sayonara?

not so fast, thief hands.

2008-07-30T12:21:00.003-07:00

what is a reason to stay?
what is a reason to go?
what is a bad reason to stay somewhere?
what is a good reason to stay somewhere?
is love a reason?
is loneliness is a reason?
is boredom a reason?
is it better to run away?
or is it better to leave when everything is great?

why do you go where you go?

clawfoot tub

2008-07-27T17:59:00.002-07:00

the possibilities are endless.

i want a clawfoot tub in every room of my future home.

one for the bathroom to bathe in
one for the bedroom to be made into a couch
one for the library to be a bookshelf, or maybe a place to fill with pillows and bathe in books.
one for the kitchen to keep herbs and fresh produce in, or maybe as a base for a dining room table.
one for the garden to grow plants in
one for every room.
that is what i need.
you may send me any leads you have regarding where i may find all these tubs.
id like to start stacking them like pogs.

run a way

2008-07-27T15:05:00.019-07:00

i want to live in a tower.
or a conglomerate of pieces from all these homes.
they are so beautiful and i can see the insides in my head,
beautiful wallpapers and cascading curtains and giant chandeliers and gargoyles and rugs.
magic land.
as the end of the world nears (maybe) i guess i spend more and more time thinking about the ideal place to lie and wait for the end.

the last house is actually one i saw everyday when i lived in salt lake,
we drove by it on the way too and from school.
salt lake city is full of beautiful old houses.

when you were young, did you imagine your future home?
when are you are now, do you think about your ideal living space?

did you wish for an attic?
were you afraid of what waited for you in the basement?
did you wish you had stairs?
was a banister an opportunity or a thing to be feared?
was your house brick with vines that grew through the cracks in the windows?
did you keep a garden?
did you climb the trees, or did you wish for better ones to climb?
was your front walk windy? or perhaps it was stepping stones...
were your front windows tall and skinny or big, fat wide rectangles?

when i was 10 i moved into a new house, and like most children,
i liked to scare the shit out of myself.
when my dad would leave i would explore the new house,
and one day,
in the hall,
i realized that a portion of the ceiling
was not really a ceiling at all
but a portal
to the attic,
with a drop down ladder,
where it was so dark
and as i slowly inched up the rungs,
mildly terrified at the bodies and ghouls i was sure to find,
i had no idea what to expect, really.
as i got closer to the edge of the opening,
i saw that there were mounds of dirt,
which could mean nothing other than...
GRAVES!!!!!!
i knew my dad was really a killer.

but still, i pressed on.
and i found old silk flowers for arrangments perhaps never finished,
or perhaps not considered out of season.
old recipes,
old nothings,
and back in a corner, amongst all the decaying limbs of the bodies i was sure existed there,
i found one of my most prized possessions.

a lovely vintage trunk with brass studs all round and a strange chemical smell inside.
and so my tiny frame, fascinated with old garbage, even way back then,
somehow cajoled this ancient box down the ladder and into my room.
and i have spent the last 10 years,
not trying to find its history,
or find its owner,
but rather,
finding a way to get the smell out.

how now, brown cow?

2008-07-25T12:03:00.002-07:00

my anxiety is reaching an all time high.
the end of the world is following me.
the uselessness of existence is making a mess inside my ribs.
everything is starting to haunt me.

i am constantly consumed by thoughts of impending doom

2008-07-22T15:09:00.000-07:00

i often find myself
sitting around and asking,
why am i doing what i am doing?
is it worth it?
is it meaningful?
what am i looking for?
why is this important?
is there something else i should be doing?
if the world ends in four years, is that what i will want to remember?

but its gotten to the point where id rather stay at home
and sort through a never ending pile of things
and think about this destruction
than go out and see what i can find.
is this healthy? am i starting to go crazy?
and then i start to wonder what i would prefer the end of the world to be like.
which would you rather the end of the world looked like?

this:
or this:
or perhaps even this:

the choice is yours, but choose wisely, because really there is only one and then you become a ghost.
and no one will see this again for 10,000 years.
your ghost could roam forever, with no company but balloons.
or maybe no company but sea creatures.
are you going to atlantis?
are you going in a blackhole?
will your bones freeze to your skin?
you dont even know what 100 years feels like, how could you identify with 10,000?

thats what i think about.

what do you think about?

2008-07-22T00:44:00.002-07:00

spaghetti
lavender ice cream
cheese
hazelnut nut thins
water
fresh fruit
fresh vegetables
veggie dogs
scrambled eggs
faken
toast
waffles
kombucha
salmon sushi
yellow curry with tofu
sweet potato fries
red velvet cupcakes
marzipan
m cafe anything.

these are a few of my favorite foods.

blackbird shoot

2008-07-21T12:34:00.020-07:00

and that, is that. styling by me, hair by zach, make up by no one, photos by bill. and and model by me.

pandamonium forever

2008-07-16T22:17:00.005-07:00

take me home, back to the place where i belong.

2008-07-16T01:58:00.027-07:00

the gateway to history.

fruit of the land.

everyday he is hustlin'.

technicolor dreamland.

lay of the land.

hey little lady.

aerial view of everything that has ever existed.

bloodland.

'93 to infinity.

is this worth fighting for?

someone's someone.

transport.

my stuff.

bedouin sweethearts.

life.

the flock.

let me just finish this text.

collections

property.

impostors.

fuel.

lounging.

goin' places.

these are all images of palestine from the 1920s-1940s.
looking at thousands of these has helped me vividly recall all the time i have spent there with my family. time i may have taken for granted in my young age.
and it has made me want to go back. ill take the danger, ill take the oppression, ill run with the wild dogs and ill pick the olives from the trees. ill feel the soldier's bullets, ill entertain thoughts of jail, ill endure the lack of empathy, the piles of hate from all sides.

and for what?

only to see the old stones that bring inexplicable joy and nervousness that feels entirely unique to me.

are you SLAYER?

2008-07-15T12:47:00.003-07:00

i am slayer.
do you ever sit and ask yourself what sweet fucking metal band you best identify with?
is it megadeath?
is it black sabbath (i dont know if i agree with the metal-ness of sabbath. i was listening to we sold our souls... the other day and it is so bluesy) ?
is it metallica?
or maybe it is napalm death?
in my world, its slayer.

its a strange world in which we live when the internet can spy on the things you type/like and then cater the advertisements to appeal to you. is slayer even a celebrity? at least their spying can really motivate me to think about crucial things like this.

a friend in need

2008-07-11T01:25:00.000-07:00

zach and i played dress up with all my hats and silver articles of clothing and took pictures while james participated by putting a tube top on his head and playing the mini guitar. im going to work now. why does 10 AM feel so early? i know it's not.

ramblin' woman

2008-07-09T21:39:00.000-07:00

I went to San Francisco. I took some pictures, but not many.
Here are some of the some. More to come once I get rolls developed.
As always, click to enlarge.

hat.

australians playing with snappy thingies

ben.

TRANTERCO.

hat.

warren.

sf favesss.

keeety.

gorrira me.

gorrira ben.

alleyway. typical.

wizard.

donnie

hat.

now, uh, i dont normally do this...but...

2008-07-09T11:35:00.000-07:00

so im trying to move.

and i have a lot of stuff.
like, way more stuff than someone my age should have.
if you have ever been to my house and liked any of my stuff,
chances are, im trying to get rid of it.

so this is a once in a lifetime offer. you may email me or call me or contact me any other way and let me know if there is something specific you want, or you may request a type of item (i.e., vintage clothing, lamp, etc) and i will let you know if i have something you may be interested in.

i will be offering this for about one week, at which point i will begin hawking everything via ebay and craigslist. the grand finale will be a yard sale if there is enough shit left.

aim me at: spaghettiisme or myspace message me. or call. or text. or send me a proper email via gmail.

on another note:

i need models to draw. model doesnt mean you are skinny and beautiful. it means you are a human being that doesnt mind sitting still for extended periods of time, sometimes naked. so if you think you would be into letting me draw you, clothed, or nude, please contact me as i have a show coming up and would like to draw some new bodies.

thank you, and sorry for being so needy.

currently obsessed

2008-07-07T15:21:00.000-07:00

with this:

and i know, that you were meant for me, and i, i was meant for you.

2008-07-05T18:39:00.000-07:00

(these are melissa's hands, totally unrelated to this post)

i unknowingly treated myself to a bounty of visual inspiration today and i couldn't be more excited. get ready for the heaps of fruit this 2.00 purchase is sure to yield.
yessssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

but do you belong here?

2008-07-01T23:04:00.000-07:00

so i planned on this epic journey but i found myself stuck in LA.
but not stuck in the negative sense, but stuck in that i really had no reason to leave. i did finally manage to leave and go to san francisco for five days.
and it was great. and im certainly glad i went.
and i dont mind that i only managed to leave la for a little bit.
i met so many excellent people while i was there, and i became so motivated, and i did so many things i was so glad to do.
there is plenty of time left for me to go to the other places i intend to go, and i will do that this summer.
i might go to europe for a few weeks in august.
im planning a move soon, but lets not jinx it by talking about it.
so i know i was awful about posting while i was gone, but i will be much better about it now that im home.

upcoming projects:
art show
styling for photoshoots
cover songs
clothing design
secrets
travelling

things that are right, in no particular order.

2008-06-11T17:09:00.000-07:00

i am still in LA.

arab with a strange hat

2008-06-11T01:10:00.000-07:00

i could be all of those and then some.

I am in LOS ANGELES

2008-06-07T13:42:00.000-07:00

i believe this is day 3 of my epic journey (if you dont count the day i arrived)
the days and night have been filled with everything and adventure is everywhere.
ive been sleeping in too late.
playing scrabble, having cupcakes, eating delicious food, meeting gypsy trumpeteers, seeing friends, making more, going to ridiculous places, and trying to transcend time.
i miss a lot of you and i hope we dont forget the sound of each other's laughter but maybe if we do, its okay, because we can find it again when we reunite.

ill be back later
like we all are anyway

one less innovator, one more grave

2008-06-04T01:56:00.000-07:00

this treasure of a man died yesterday:

RIP, monsieur laurent

chaos as a theory vs. chaos as a way of life

2008-05-29T14:33:00.000-07:00

killing yourself to live
or living to kill yourself

working hard to make the money
making the money work

going too fast to everywhere
so you can get everywhere faster

worrying too much about everything

is it worth it in the end?

and you wondered why we have seasons.

2008-05-27T13:19:00.000-07:00

yesterday was magical monday and i totally forgot.
so here is TARDY TUESDAY.

but first, im about to embark on a journey up the coast.

starting in la,
then san fran,
then portland,
then seattle,
then chicago.

and then later this summer ny.

SO if you have any suggestions on where to go, what to do, where to stay, where to eat, where to shop, who to see while im in any of those places please let me know via comment here or email. that would be appreciated....

moving on :

"The myth of Persephone, the dark goddess of the Underworld, also prominently features the pomegranate. In one version of Greek mythology, Persephone was kidnapped by Hades and taken off to live in the underworld as his wife. Her mother, Demeter (goddess of the Harvest), went into mourning for her lost daughter and thus all green things ceased to grow. Zeus, the highest ranking of the Greek gods, could not leave the Earth to die, so he commanded Hades to return Persephone. It was the rule of the Fates that anyone who consumed food or drink in the Underworld was doomed to spend eternity there. Persephone had no food, but Hades tricked her into eating four pomegranate seeds while she was still his prisoner and so, because of this, she was condemned to spend four months in the Underworld every year. During these four months, when Persephone is sitting on the throne of the Underworld next to her husband Hades, her mother Demeter mourns and no longer gives fertility to the earth. This became an ancient Greek explanation for the seasons." (wikiwacky)

tucson was fun.

2008-05-25T16:28:00.000-07:00

i saw grass widow play again,
and then stephen,
had delicious shrimp tacos,
saw marisa munoz,
met new friends,
and was thoroughly entertained through people watching.
and now im home.
to go do laundry.

and its so fucking beautiful.

2008-05-23T02:29:00.000-07:00

the rain is so fucking beautiful.
its 2:30 am.
i feel everything.

now i even have dreams about blogging.

2008-05-20T17:21:00.000-07:00

in my dreams last night i was posting david shrigley blogs, so i figured i might as well continue in real life.

last night allison and i had art book party and it was so glorious.

i read a david shrigley book outloud to stephen and allison for at least an hour and a half. it was entirely magical. so its only fitting that today i would give you the gifts of some of his amazing imagery. as always, click on an image to see a bigger version.

addendum, already

2008-05-19T17:51:00.000-07:00

i just realized that is mythically magically monday.

PSYCHOPOMP:
creatures that carry spirits from the land of the dead to the land of the living.

Many religious belief systems have a particular spirit, angel, or deity whose responsibility is to escort newly-deceased souls to the afterlife. These creatures are called psychopomps, from the Greek word ψυχοπομπός (psychopompos), literally meaning the "guide of souls". Their role is not to judge the deceased, but simply provide safe passage. Frequently depicted on funerary art, psychopomps have been associated at different times and in different cultures with horses, whippoorwills, ravens, dogs, crows, owls, sparrows, harts, and dolphins.

In Jungian psychology, the psychopomp is a mediator between the unconscious and conscious realms. It is symbolically personified in dreams as a wise man (or woman), or sometimes as a helpful animal. In many cultures, the shaman also fulfills the role of the psychopomp. This may include not only accompanying the soul of the dead, but also vice versa: to help at birth, to introduce the newborn's soul to the world (p. 36 of [1]). This also accounts for the contemporary title of "midwife to the dying," which is another form of psychopomp work. (thanks wikipedia)

if you spread yourself too thin, eventually there wont be much left to spread.

2008-05-19T17:36:00.000-07:00

yesterday stephen, john ryan, james raymer, dane, and i went on a day of adventuring.
we slept in a pod in my spare room and woke up at 1:45...
went to pizza mart and had gross pizza and amazing company, atmosphere, video games, and soft serve...
and then we napped.

and then we went to the river at about 6:30, and the water was ICE COLD and the sun went down so fast that we only had time to swim for a very brief amount of time.

and then i slept. i slept a lot. and now im awake. and i dont know how much more i need to sleep. i finally got some things done that needed to get done. this post is boring. ill probably delete it when i have something better to replace it with.

nunya

2008-05-15T00:52:00.000-07:00

magical mondays

2008-05-12T14:00:00.000-07:00

PANOTTI

"...a mythical race of creatures, described as possessing large ears that covered their entire bodies." (wikipedia)

WHAT THE FUCK THESE ARE SO COOL

my mom rides a camel, so?

2008-05-09T19:00:00.000-07:00

on the 6th i fell three times.
maybe our ability to stay upright is directly related to our ability to keep our lives together. if your life is constantly all over the place, maybe your physical body is also. im a mess.

oh and look at how funny looking Ouch is:

for eli, forever

2008-05-08T20:49:00.000-07:00

*you can click on an image to view a larger version*

the most beautiful thing ive ever found.

this last weekend, i went to the most beautiful yard sale ive ever been to.
here is my treasure.

s o u l m a t e s. you and me.

2008-05-05T22:38:00.000-07:00

"One theory of soulmates, presented by Aristophanes in Plato's Symposium, is that humans originally were combined of four arms, four legs, and a single head made of two faces, but Zeus feared their power and split them all in half, condemning them to spending their lives searching for the other half to complete them." -wikipedia

and then last night i was watching black orpheus with julio and i realized that mythology is so enthralling.

i think ill start posting a weekly tidbit of greek/roman mythology.
it can be magical monday or something like that.
we could all use a little history in our week, right?
maybe i can start having a weekly listening party to
THE ILIAD or THE ODYSSEY on tape,
just like i did in latin class in 6th grade.
or maybe a weekly reading sleep over.
im bringing grade school back.
like this:

remember that?
you brought your sleeping stuff, wore your jammies, brought your favorite books,
AND INFINITY SNACKS.
and then you hung out at school all day
reading/snacking/lounging in bulldog slippers.
WHY DOESNT ANYONE DO THIS ANYMORE???
this concept of lost VALUABLE ACTIVITIES is blowing my mind.
summer of age regression....here i come.
WHO IS WITH ME?

how did i manage to go from a post about soulmates to this?
well... just to bring it full circle, i will leave you with this image of SOULMATES.

according to the internets, that photo is the pictorial embodiement of what being a soulmate is all about, and really, who the fuck are we to argue?

sidenote: i realize that this post contains a lot of caps.
they are really pertinent.

cinco de motho (or, how fear is like a pitbull)

2008-05-05T13:33:00.000-07:00

I HAVE AN IRRATIONAL FEAR OF MOTHS, I HATE THEM.
i have been dealing with this as long as i can remember.
i am not afraid of bugs, not butterflies, not winged critters.
only these demons of the light and the night.
today, i came up to my house and saw the MONSTROSITY above next to my mailbox.
shuddering, i continued on my way to ASH avenue comics to see drew and pick up Milk Teeth by Julie Morstad,
as drew and i were discussing my awful fear he started chuckling and reached behind me to grab a free comic about a MOTH man. ugh.
then i come home and i get on my computer and one of those "when will you die" advertisements on myspace features a woman's face GETTING COVERED IN MOTHS.
and then i pick up Milk Teeth and open directly to a page featuring a lightbulb being SMOTHERED IN MOTHS.
its only 1:44.
WHAT MORE MOTHS DOES CINCO DE MOTHO HAVE TO OFFER ME?

id love anyone, but i just cant love you.

2008-05-03T01:22:00.001-07:00

what a day what a night what a week what a month what a year what an hour what a minute what a second what an every moment in our existence isnt that what they all say when they have nothing else to really say because what they really want to say is that which maybe they shouldnt be saying and they are we and we is you and you is i and we are all nothing.

here i go, being whimsical, again.

2008-05-02T14:07:00.000-07:00

let's make this:

and you can dress like this:

and i can dress like this:

and we can read all these:

and use these:

and eat these:

and do these things:

and collect these:

and listen to records all day and night.

oh, and we wont need these:

im now accepting applicants, but limited positions are available.
so act fast.

every place is exactly the same.

2008-04-29T13:59:00.000-07:00

this week brings the end of the semester, and the beginning of so much time that wont be occupied with school. i want to make everything.

things i learned this weekend:
arizona is incredibly unappealing, even more so than i thought before.
sometimes grown women need to grow up more than anyone else.
Justice kills it live.
everything.
nothing.

lately.

2008-04-22T14:49:00.000-07:00

lately i have been so productive.
and on top of this productivity, i know that the work i am making is GOOD.
and not good in the sense that its amazing, but its really manifesting as an outlet to things i feel. i guess the work i have been making as of late has been far more personal than anything else ive made. and this personal aspect has been propelling the simple projects into ideas for whole series's centering around thorough, cohesive concepts. even now, i am thinking about what i want to spend next year in school making. i feel like i am progressing, because of the fact that i am able to think about my work enough to make a whole collection, as opposed to a bunch of unrelated, aesthetically pleasing, but meaningless pieces.

on another note,
a lot of good new music lately.

this weekend is good. i can tell already. its going to be something like this:

coachella coachella coachella

2008-04-22T13:54:00.001-07:00

thanks to evan, my dearest boy, i have been lucky enough to obtain free all access three day coachella passes.
happy way early birthday to me, courtesy of him.
i am so fucking excited i could explode.
im so very sick of everyone complaining about the line up.
don't you people understand that if every single awesome band is playing that you wont even be able to see them all because they play at the same goddamn times?
and anyway, while 100,000 d-bags are watching Jack Johnson, you can leave the parking lot before the mad rush.
duh.

today started out really awesomely as well.
i woke up to a package in my mailbox from my favorite Chawles.
it contained this:

thank you chawles, i love you.

and now im off to have an even better day.

and really, how now?

2008-04-20T23:22:00.000-07:00

no day feels like its supposed to feel.
but this weekend felt like so much.

is what i said to Eli tonight.
i didnt explain, although he asked me to. (pure laziness)

lately the saturdays havent felt like saturdays and weekdays have felt like they havent even existed.
life has been a whirlwind of time and days and people and places and its hard to remember how they all fit together.
its nice to meet new, wonderful faces that are connected to minds that have so much to offer.
but also, the loss of time i once spent alone is weighing on me.

its all a matter of balance, and im sure ill find it soon.

from now on

2008-04-14T22:27:00.001-07:00

im going to update this with regularity so that one day i may remember where i was.

look at the difference

2008-01-18T00:17:00.001-07:00

sometimes i look like that. and then sometimes i look like this.

so this is the new year

2008-01-18T00:13:00.000-07:00

and its bringing the change i want. every fucking ounce of everything i want, i will have this year. no resolutions. i dont need to make a promise i wont keep based solely on social stigma and tradition. i will be the change i want to see in the world and that world is my life. i win.